There was a funny thing on the Internet…
…and I told Stephanie to send it to Samuel, for I knew that he would enjoy it, which sparked the following conversation:
Stephanie: Chloë told me you would like this: http://sadetsydogs.wordpress.com/
Samuel: I do like that.
Who said it was okay for you to talk to Chloë?
[It is common for Samuel to take this posture when situations arise in which it becomes clear that I have other friends. This has been an ongoing joke (?) for years.]
Stephanie: [forwards that to Chloë] Listen, if there are rules for my friendship with Chloë I think I deserve to know them. Itemized list, please.
Please make sure it’s clear whether these rules are for Chloë’s friends generally or for me specifically. Results are due no later than [ten days from now]. Show your work.
Two days later, this document appeared in my inbox:
Rules for Chloë’s Friendship with Stephanie
Even though Chloë’s BFF has the right to know the password to Chloë’s email account, he always forgets it because he forgets everything and Chloë’s password is usually super complicated. Therefore it is important for communications between Stephanie and Chloë to take place in public forums so that Chloë’s BFF can monitor them if he should so choose to do so. This of course depend on if he can ever figure out how to use these forums (see: Twitter and Facebook), but he likes to know that the option is there. It grieves Chloë’s BFF that their use of public forums makes Chloë seem like an attention-hungry teenager who has to make sure everyone knows who she is talking to at all times, but there’s that whole password thing, so there you go.
Chloë: These are excellent. One thing is missing, though: the rule about me not laughing at the jokes of others. This rule has been oft stated.
Stephanie: I’m sure that one was omitted in this particular case because Sam knows I’m not funny. […]
For now, I think [Samuel and I] can both agree to be jealous of Chloë’s husband, when we remember he gets to hang out with Chloë every day. Band together in these tough times.
[A few days pass.]
Chloë: Guys, quick: we all need new blog posts. Can we use this somehow?
Samuel: I guess you can go for it if you think that it’s interesting enough. I think of it more as an internal document for Stephanie to memorize and possibly have tattooed somewhere on her body. Preferably face. If you do post it, I think it should open with a sad Etsy dog [Editor's note: √].
Stephanie: I already have a tattoo of a Peregrine falcon on my face. Okay to tattoo words over it?
Chloë: I would prefer it if the rules could be tattooed into a speech bubble that the falcon is speaking. Otherwise, changes approved.
Stephanie: Falcons can’t talk. Don’t be stupid.
Samuel: [goes on with life, writes more important blog post]